BDSM and Stigma | How the USA judges BDSM members
Research that inspired this post: "If Someone Finds Out You're a Perv:" The Experience and Management of Stigma in the BDSM Subculture
Research Written by: Toni O. L. Brown
You'll note we start with a controversial topic at first. I tend to enjoy research based on more controversial, or uncomfortable topics: sexuality, religion, abuse, etc. Although we will cover many topics (I hope), there will be a general trend of these more touchy topics. Alongside these, will be other articles I reference, and/or my own personal experiences.
Before we discuss Brown's research, we should talk about BDSM by itself. BDSM, according to sex educator Lola Jean can be broken into 3 categories: Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism (Wheeler). BDSM done correctly is based on many things: safety, trust, communication, honesty, and respect. One does not jump into a BDSM dynamic blindly.
Coming from personal experience and experiences from friends: BDSM is a complicated affair. Communication is integral to the enjoyment and safety of the "scenes" that occur. Both parties should discuss the particular desires they may have for the scene, and consent is needed beforehand. Boundaries should be set before as well, and if one discovers something they dislike or are uncomfortable with, stopping the scene and discussing it is important. Safe words are useful for this. After-care can be a major part as well, where comfort is given to the individual(s) that need emotional support due to how intensive, draining, and/or long a session is. A particular note is that all individuals, dominants and submissives can need after-care depending on the circumstances. This may sound like a clinical description of BDSM, but the safety measures are important as these activities are not just physical activities, they are mental ones as well.
For example, if lets say there is a dominant having a scene with their submissive, and the submissive yells out an agreed safe word like "Red!". The dominant will pause the scene, and take care of the submissive, either untying them (or loosing the bondage if used), stopping all toys that cause injury, and etc. There is no crossing the line and carrying on after a safe word is used until the submissive is okay with everything that is going on. You can see why there is a difference between BDSM and abuse: abuse doesn't stop and take care of the person getting hit, is done not out of love, and is a violation of trust. BDSM can turn abusive, as all things, but BDSM is not inherently abusive.
So why is BDSM stigmatized in the USA?
BDSM from my own personal experiences, is a topic which isn't kindly viewed on. In my home country, it's not illegal. However BDSM has a negative connotation, you are a deviant if you partake. You're dirty, slutty, or even shameful. Puritan culture is what we were based on, so it is no wonder many find BDSM disturbing, wrong, sinful, or even abusive. Media portrayals like 50 Shades of Grey and others have also added to the negative opinions on BDSM. This alongside the many religions here that promote sex as a sinful act, look down upon those who find enjoyment in it. All of those reasons alongside perhaps other unlisted political motivations may cause these negative views against BDSM. Therefore many who participate in this subculture hide their activities from the public eye. This is supported by Toni Brown and her findings within other author's works on BDSM and Stigma: "They outline seven reasons why this public understanding is a misconception and point out how stereotyping of S&M activity “flattens” participants into misleadingly homogeneous consistency, and how participants face stigma in the form of rejection, and must hide their activities." (pg 36).
Through Toni Brown's work and others, I hope that one day we will see more research and perhaps steps into supporting the BDSM community against the societal stigma they receive.
References:
Brown, T. (2010). "If Someone Finds Out You're a Perv:" The Experience and Management of Stigma in the BDSM Subculture.(Electronic Thesis or Dissertation). https://etd.ohiolink.edu/
Wheeler, G. (2019, November 1). A Sex Expert Reveals What BDSM IS & How 'Fifty Shades' Gets It All Wrong. https://www.elitedaily.com/p/what-is-bdsm-a-sex-expert-reveals-exactly-what-it-means-8068256
Research Written by: Toni O. L. Brown
You'll note we start with a controversial topic at first. I tend to enjoy research based on more controversial, or uncomfortable topics: sexuality, religion, abuse, etc. Although we will cover many topics (I hope), there will be a general trend of these more touchy topics. Alongside these, will be other articles I reference, and/or my own personal experiences.
Before we discuss Brown's research, we should talk about BDSM by itself. BDSM, according to sex educator Lola Jean can be broken into 3 categories: Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, and Sadism and Masochism (Wheeler). BDSM done correctly is based on many things: safety, trust, communication, honesty, and respect. One does not jump into a BDSM dynamic blindly.
Coming from personal experience and experiences from friends: BDSM is a complicated affair. Communication is integral to the enjoyment and safety of the "scenes" that occur. Both parties should discuss the particular desires they may have for the scene, and consent is needed beforehand. Boundaries should be set before as well, and if one discovers something they dislike or are uncomfortable with, stopping the scene and discussing it is important. Safe words are useful for this. After-care can be a major part as well, where comfort is given to the individual(s) that need emotional support due to how intensive, draining, and/or long a session is. A particular note is that all individuals, dominants and submissives can need after-care depending on the circumstances. This may sound like a clinical description of BDSM, but the safety measures are important as these activities are not just physical activities, they are mental ones as well.
For example, if lets say there is a dominant having a scene with their submissive, and the submissive yells out an agreed safe word like "Red!". The dominant will pause the scene, and take care of the submissive, either untying them (or loosing the bondage if used), stopping all toys that cause injury, and etc. There is no crossing the line and carrying on after a safe word is used until the submissive is okay with everything that is going on. You can see why there is a difference between BDSM and abuse: abuse doesn't stop and take care of the person getting hit, is done not out of love, and is a violation of trust. BDSM can turn abusive, as all things, but BDSM is not inherently abusive.
So why is BDSM stigmatized in the USA?
BDSM from my own personal experiences, is a topic which isn't kindly viewed on. In my home country, it's not illegal. However BDSM has a negative connotation, you are a deviant if you partake. You're dirty, slutty, or even shameful. Puritan culture is what we were based on, so it is no wonder many find BDSM disturbing, wrong, sinful, or even abusive. Media portrayals like 50 Shades of Grey and others have also added to the negative opinions on BDSM. This alongside the many religions here that promote sex as a sinful act, look down upon those who find enjoyment in it. All of those reasons alongside perhaps other unlisted political motivations may cause these negative views against BDSM. Therefore many who participate in this subculture hide their activities from the public eye. This is supported by Toni Brown and her findings within other author's works on BDSM and Stigma: "They outline seven reasons why this public understanding is a misconception and point out how stereotyping of S&M activity “flattens” participants into misleadingly homogeneous consistency, and how participants face stigma in the form of rejection, and must hide their activities." (pg 36).
Although as Brown admits, there is not much research on BDSM as it is a smaller subculture. Due to the lack of support it obtains from the majority, BDSM as a community tends to be lacking with in depth research on how society interacts and stigmatizes them. She breaks this down into two problems: "First, the need for additional research is apparent from the lack of both
quantity and diversity of topics. Second, due to the nature of topics unearthed in the
course of BDSM study, we can see this subculture as a marginalized group. As such,
additional investigation is warranted regarding stigmatization and the management
thereof." (pg 30).
Through Toni Brown's work and others, I hope that one day we will see more research and perhaps steps into supporting the BDSM community against the societal stigma they receive.
References:
Brown, T. (2010). "If Someone Finds Out You're a Perv:" The Experience and Management of Stigma in the BDSM Subculture.(Electronic Thesis or Dissertation). https://etd.ohiolink.edu/
Wheeler, G. (2019, November 1). A Sex Expert Reveals What BDSM IS & How 'Fifty Shades' Gets It All Wrong. https://www.elitedaily.com/p/what-is-bdsm-a-sex-expert-reveals-exactly-what-it-means-8068256
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